The best toilet training advice I ever received

My first attempt at toilet training was an absolute nightmare.  As a relatively new parent, I took everything I read a little too seriously and I was keen to wait for the perfect time to avoid the dreaded regression.  Going through all that hard work, succeeding, and then ending up where you first began was something that I wanted to avoid at all cost.  So I waited for the perfect time.

The problem was that the perfect time took a long time in presenting itself.  We were looking for a new rental to move into and for some reason it was taking an unusually long time.  I also was pregnant with #2 and was acutely aware that yes, a new baby also caused regression.  So by the time we found a house, moved in, had #2, and I felt human again over a year had gone past.  Suddenly my son was 3 and a half years old and very set in his ways.  Toilet training was the last thing he wanted to do and he fought it every step of the way.

A few months later I was with a group of mums who were discussing experiences with toilet training when I received some of the best advice I’d ever had.  My daughter was probably about 8 months at the time and she suggested that I start sitting her on the potty.  “Now?” I asked perplexed.  “Yes, just sit her on the potty when you change her nappy.”  I’m sure the confusion must have shown on my face, but after my first experience I was willing to try anything to make the process easier, so I did it.

The next day I dragged the potty out and was ready.  After removing her nappy and cleaning her up I sat my 8-month-old on the potty.  As expected nothing happened but I thought I’d persevere at least a few days.  The next change I did the same thing, removed her nappy and sat her down.  But this time something did happen, much to my surprise there was wee!!  Naturally, I was so elated! After all, there is nothing like toilet training to bring about a disturbing level of excitement for body waste.  I may have been a little over the top in my celebratory gestures, clapping and cheering like crazy but I wanted to make sure that my daughter knew how proud I was of her!  And she did, she was beaming; her little gummy smile as wide as can be, she was super proud of her achievement- we both were.

If I suspected that this could be a fluke, the next attempt proved otherwise – success again.  Over the next couple few days, she was weeing in the potty more often than not.  And it wasn’t before long before she also added #2’s to her repertoire.  I was over the moon!

What I most loved about this technique was that it was completely stress-free.  If she did something in the potty that was great, but if she didn’t that was also perfectly fine.  Because she was so young there was no pressure on either of us to progress, any improvement was a bonus.  She was able to slowly, at her own pace build up her control.

This was not an all or nothing endeavour, there was no need to do this at every nappy change.  When I was free and had the energy I would just take a few moments to sit her on the potty.  While there I would maybe tidy up a little for a minute or two before removing her and putting her nappy on.

When she was older and we were both ready, toilet training was considerably easier.  I won’t say it was it was a piece of cake, but because she already had control half the battle was already won.  The physical hurdle had been accomplished over time in a steady fashion, devoid of stress. Now all that was left to do was tackle the mental hurdle.

I have no doubt that over the years and through my journey of toilet training an additional four children that this advice has saved me countless hours of stress and frustration.  I am forever grateful for her simple words of wisdom.

 

 

 

 

When the oxygen mask drops: Why as mothers we need to sometimes put ourselves first.

My first days as a mother were challenging to say the least.  My son was unable to breastfeed, and in fact, did not attach for the first time until he was 4 weeks old.  Because of this I basically spent that entire first-month feeding,  sadly I’m not exaggerating as much as you would think.

I was advised to feed him every 2 hours so I would try to breastfeed for about half an hour, feed him milk I had previously expressed for half an hour, and then I’d express milk for his next feed, this took around half an hour as well.  Every 2-hour block, I would get around half an hour to myself, or to do non-feeding things.  I thought I was going to lose my mind.

Things did get easier, we eventually established breastfeeding, and life went on.  But I was a mother now, and everything I did reflected that; the clothes I wore, the books I read, and the people I now socialised with.  My life had changed forever and I just went with the flow, trying to do the best that I could.

No longer could I just go out on a whim, every outing needed a mammoth effort.  I had to pack a nappy bag with extras of everything ‘just in case’.  I had to make sure it wasn’t his nap time or feeding time so he was in the right mood.  Even if I planned and timed everything to perfection and was finally on my way out of the door, I would often be met with the sudden stench of poo, which typically would be the result of a poosplosion which required a bath and complete change of clothes.

Beyond the practicalities was the mental load.  Was I a good enough mother?  Should I use cloth or disposable nappies?   When should I start solids?  What foods should I give?  How should I discipline? The questions and concerns never end.

Just when I thought I had it all worked out and starting to gain in confidence I arrived at the next phase, the next challenge and it started all over again.  And when the craziness that is motherhood became my new norm I discovered I was expecting another addition, as if the chaos that has was my life wasn’t enough.  But I loved it and wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Those early days were like a blur.  The days became weeks, the weeks became months, and the months became years.  Somewhere along the line, I came to a scary realisation. In my attempts to be the best mother I could be, I realised that I no longer knew who I was.  In my effort to dedicate myself to my children, I realised that I was losing myself.  I didn’t quite know what to do about it, but I did know that if something didn’t change soon I was going to burn out and that wasn’t going to be good for anybody.

So I started thinking of myself and making decisions that in my mind were selfish.  I bought myself a nice new camera and took up photography.  I toyed with the idea of starting my own business.  I took time regularly to just relax and do nothing.  I started putting myself first.

All of a sudden that pre-flight safety demonstration that had perplexed me so much as a teenager made sense. In case of an emergency, the instruction is to put an oxygen mask on yourself before tending to your children.  It took me so long to understand this.  After all, what kind of a mother would put her needs in front of the needs of her children?

A good mother. A mother who takes care of her needs first will be there for her children when they need her.  In an emergency situation, a mother who takes care of her needs first will be conscious and able to better assist her children in case of an emergency. In our day to day lives, a mother who takes care of her needs first will be happy and energised, better able to nurture her children.

So the next time you put your needs of yourself in front of those of your children, do not let the mama guilt prevail.  Remember that by taking care of your needs you are better able to take care of your children. Just make sure you put your needs first when the oxygen masks come down, maybe not so much when the food trays come out.  But sometimes, when they’re not looking, that’s ok too.